Life Without You
by Riles Starr
Summary: The follow-up to 'Running Away' Katherine once again has a problem to deal with but this time it is with the fact that she might lose Spot.


I stared at the body on the bed. That couldn't be my Spot. He looked so pale. Tears came to my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. "Kat?" I looked away from him to see Race, who was sitting next to his bed. Race stood and I took his seat. He put a hand on my shoulder. "Youse want me ta stay?"  
  
I shook my head. "I need to be alone." Race nodded and left the room. I sighed and took Spot's hand. "Spot, I can't believe what has happened. You weren't supposed to leave me! I need you to wake up. I can't believe I'm in a hospital." Tears fell down my face and I made no move to wipe them away. "I can't believe you went after William after all I told you. I know it was for me, but I knew he was dangerous. Why couldn't you have listened to me for once? Spot, don't you know how much I need you?" I sighed. "I was the one who found you. It was horrible. I didn't even know it was you. There was so much blood. I thought I would die right then and there, but you moaned and I reacted. They say it's a good sign, you moaning or making any noises. You're in a coma; I guess you hit your head on a rock when you fell. The doctors sewed your knife wound back up, but you'll always have the scar. But, if the reason you're not waking up is because of the money, well don't worry about it. I'll use all of that money Pulitzer gave me if I could see your eyes gazing back into mine. Spot, I need you! It's like a piece of me is missing." I began to sob.  
  
I was pulled into an embrace and Race was there to comfort me. "It'll be okay, Kitty. Spot's a fightah."   
  
"I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over. You can visit your friend early tomorrow." I glared at the nurse, but Race pulled me out of the room. I was aware of nothing as we made our way to the Lodge House. Once we arrived, my friends surrounded me.   
  
Blink asked, "Kitty, what happened?"  
  
I stared at him in shock. What did he mean what happened? That's when I realized they didn't know the events that had taken place earlier. I realized I was covered in blood and I must have looked awful. I tried to keep my voice steady as I said, "It's Spot. He's hurt." A hand flew to my face once more and I felt myself tremble. Blink gathered me in his arms and I began to sob for my love. I heard everyone's gasps and I was grateful no one asked me what happened. Race informed the others and I was soon lying in a bunk, curled in a ball.  
  
"He'll pull through, Kitty. Spot's a fightah." I nodded numbly and closed my eyes. I welcomed the dark that surrounded me, glad to escape the nightmare that I was in.  
  
*****  
  
I slowly opened my eyes and frowned. What a bad dream. I turned to tell Spot my nightmare, when I remembered it hadn't been a nightmare. He was in the hospital, in a coma. I felt the tears threaten to overcome me again, but I held it back. I would be strong and not let everyone know what a mess I really was. Once Spot was well, everything would be okay. A nagging voice in the back of my head brought up my greatest fear. What if he doesn't get well? I shook my head, trying to get rid of that horrible thought. I didn't know if I would be able to live without him. "Kitty? How youse holdin' up?"  
  
I shrugged. "Best as I could be." I pulled back my dark hair into a ponytail and grabbed Spot's newsie hat. I saw his jacket lying on his bunk. I picked it up and brought it close to my face. I inhaled its scent. It smelled like him. I slipped it on and hugged myself. I closed my eyes, holding back the tears. "I'm going to the hospital."  
  
I opened my eyes. "Wait up! I'll go wit ya." I nodded and waited impatiently for Lucky. We arrived at the hospital and I asked the nurse if I could see Spot.   
  
She looked me over and must have realized how upset I was. "Someone is in with him now. Let me tell them you are waiting to see him."  
  
I took a seat outside of his room and Lucky held my hand. "You don't have to wait with me Lucky. I know Race is worried, but just tell my brother I'll be fine."  
  
"I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for you." I nodded.   
  
The door opened and I jumped up, wanting to see Spot. Tracks exited the room, his face pale. He saw me and pulled me into his arms for a hug. "Oh Kitty, I'm so sorry!"   
  
I clenched my jaw and tried to remain strong. "He'll be fine. I just hope William gets what he deserves."  
  
Tracks eyes narrowed. "Trust me, the Brooklyn newsies will see to make sure justice is served." I smiled grimly. I gave his hand a squeeze before entering Spot's room. He looked the same as yesterday. He looked like he was sleeping, except he was so pale.   
  
I took my seat beside Spot and began to talk to him. "Well, it's day two. Everyone knows about what happened. Your newsies will get even with him and I kind of wish I could be there to see his face begging for mercy from them. I know, that's horrible to say, but he took you away from me! Not forever, but now! And just after we were reunited. I mean, we had only had a week together since our break-up! I never got the chance to really tell you, but I forgive you. For leaving me for Alicia. For everything that happened while we were apart. I need you to know that. I wish I could have gotten to tell you that, but I don't know. I was just so scared that you would change your mind and decide to go back to her. I mean, I was afraid one day you'd wake up and realize that you had made a mistake and you didn't love me. I don't know what I would do if that ever happen. I never did tell you what I did while I was gone for those two weeks. Nothing really. I went to our secret place, that little mountain and I would sit and watch the sunset every night, remembering that evening we sat and watched it together. Remember how afterwards we made wishes on the stars that we would stay together forever?" I smiled wistfully. "Once you're better, we'll have to go back there. That would be fun. We could take a picnic and eat dinner up there. I could, I'm a good cook, you know." I looked up and as the door opened.   
  
"Visiting hours are now over."   
  
I nodded at the nurse and gave Spot a kiss on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, love."  
  
*****  
  
It became a routine. I would wake up and sell enough papes so I would have some money and then I would go and to the hospital and stay with Spot till I was told I had to leave. As the each day passed, I would grow more and more silent, lost in my thoughts. My friends tried to bring me out of the shell I was creating around me, but I wouldn't let them close to me. I walked into the hospital after a week had passed and took a seat next to Spot. "Well, it's been a week since you were first brought in here. Everyone keeps reassuring me that everything is going to be fine. Yesterday, Teddy threw a fit. He wanted to come visit you, but I didn't want him to see you like this. I want him to remember you as you were, not so pale. It's getting harder though. I don't have an appetite any more. I have to force myself to eat, though I pretend everything is fine. I don't want them to know. I don't want to worry them." I sighed. "To tell you the truth, I'm pushing them away. I know I am, but I can't help it. I don't want them to know how vulnerable I am right now. I haven't really broke down since the night I found you." I bit my lip. "Well, at least I haven't let others see me cry. I cry myself to sleep at night. Silently so they won't know. I don't want to think of me as weak, but I am. If you leave, I don't know if I'll be able to survive! You mean so much to me!" I broke off and tears silently fell down my cheeks. I wiped them away. "Well, Tracks has been taking over your leadership over Brooklyn while you are, well, you know Shifty? Well, he's been trying to take it away. That won't ever happen. I mean, when someone says the fearless Brooklyn leader, everyone automatically thinks of you!" The nurse came to the door and I nodded. I bent down and placed on kiss on his cheek. "It's time for me to go. Sweet dreams, love."  
  
*****  
  
"Well, it's the beginning of the second week since you were brought here. I hate to say it, but Shifty has somehow taken over your leadership of Brooklyn, though most would go back to you once your well, so you have nothing to worry about. Oh, the police caught William. I was happy and disappointed about that. I really wanted your newsies to hurt him." I sighed, as I was motioned to leave. "I have to go. I keep trying though, to open up to the others. I know you would have wanted me to. If Race asks me to go to Tibby's, I will today, but for you. I love you." I gave him a kiss on the forehead before heading out. I found Race waiting for me.  
  
"Come on, Kat. It'll be fun." I smiled a fake smile at Race and nodded. He smiled in relief and we made our way to Tibby's. As we walked there, I silently thought of what the doctors had told me earlier. They had said that he could wake up tomorrow or never at all. I knew that this was another reason for my becoming more and more detached from my friends. I knew Race was worried about me and I decided I would try to be friendlier today at Tibby's.  
  
I heard a familiar voice as we entered. I felt myself frown and then freeze as I heard what she was saying. "He looks so horrible! My poor Spot! He's so pale. It's all her fault you know. I mean, it was her ex-fiancé that hurt him! He just wanted to get even with her. Spot nothing to do with it. I despise her! It's her fault that this happened!"  
  
I slowly felt myself begin to shake as Alicia continued. The woman that had split us apart in the beginning and it hurt to know that what she was saying was true. If I had stayed away from him, William would have never have hurt him. I was the cause of him lying in a hospital bed, unmoving. I turned around, oblivious to Race's shouts for me and ran back to the Lodge House. I was alone in the bunkroom and I curled up on a ball on Spot's bunk. It still smelled like him. I heard footsteps and pretended to be asleep.  
  
"I don't know what ta do, Jack. I'm scared. I mean, she's closed herself off from everybody. She's quiet, not like da Kitty she used ta be! She hasn't taken off his jacket since dat day!"  
  
I heard a sigh. "Race, she'll get bettah. I mean, maybe Spot'll come out of it soon!"  
  
I heard them leave the room and I bit my lip to prevent the tears from coming. Why had Jack said maybe he'd come out of the coma soon? He had too! I wondered if they thought as Alicia did, that Spot's injury was my fault. I also wondered when she had seen him. I sighed and prayed sleep would come so I could escape from the terrible nightmare that was my life.  
  
*****  
  
I looked at Blink dully. "I'm not really up for Tibby's. I'd rather just stay here."  
  
Blink looked at me worriedly. "Come on, Kitty. It'll be fun."  
  
I shook my head. I looked away from him and to Spot. I gripped his hand tighter. "I'd rather stay here."  
  
Blink sighed. He turned my head so I was staring up at him. "Do youse think Spot would want ta see youse like dis? Yer different now. Youse don't eat enough and all youse do is sleep or sit by Spot's side. I just think youse should allow us ta help ya. It's been a month, Kitty."  
  
I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Blink, I can't. I just-I just can't. I wish I could, but I-" I broke off and stifled a sob. I would not let him see me cry and know how hopeless I was feeling. I prayed he wouldn't voice my fears. Every day, the thought of Spot not waking up became more prominent in my mind. He squeezed my shoulder and headed to the door.  
  
"I'll always be here fer ya, Kitty." I nodded and tears blurred my vision as he left. I looked up and saw Alicia staring at Spot and me through the window. She glared at me and made no move to leave. I sighed. I knew that what Blink said was true. When I looked into the mirror, a stranger looked back at me. My eyes lacked the sparkle that they once had and were dull and devoid of life. My hair that once shone was now lifeless and limp against my back. I knew I was entirely too pale and I had dark circles underneath my eyes. I was also too skinny from hardly eating over the past month. I was still thinking of what Blink had said to me when I felt it. His hand moved beneath mine. I felt my heart jump up into my throat and I leaned closer to him. I looked at him with hope. His mouth moved to from a word and my heart began to beat faster. I felt my world crash down around me though, as he whispered, "Alley."  



End file.
